I don't know if you knew this, but i was thinking pretty seriously of moving to midtown Sacramento. It's where I've been working full time since January now, and while the commute isn't bad despite being about 3-4 hours a day (lots of new music to examine, even more older music to get the blood going), i could just save the time/money, move into a new area, and comfortably bike everywhere. plus the gay scene is pretty vibrant for a city that shitty, so that would be cool for when i'm ready for... all that (i went on a couple of dates already and i learned that dating is boring, people are boring, and i'm not really desperate at all so i can't care enough to invest unless i'm really into it). more friends are thinking of moving into that area, and my contact is still keeping me in mind for her next available place.

but here's the thing: i'd only be moving because i think i should. i'm not exactly tired of where i am, i like my roommates more and more... there's no reason, within the place i live, that says i need to get out. there's a reason why i'm kind of a dope and keep taking pictures of my room, it's because i've finally put things together exactly how i want to, and it's exciting. i like waking up in it, living in it... briefly: there's nothing wrong with it.

so the only thing that's stopped me from re-signing the lease is that there's a studio that will probably open in the same complex i'm in. it's a low-income unit but the same specs as a regular unit. apparently i qualify for it (despite spending $300/month on music). rent will be about $600 instead of $900, so it's kind of hard to simply pass up. the only dealbreaker is if it's on the ground floor, in which case: no. there's no light, bugs get in, it's depressing.

ok so,
i'm thinking of moving to sacramento.
this is a better idea than living here only if it's down/midtown. i've seen/probably lived in every other corner of sac and it has a unique and dingy air i never want to know again. there's also vast and localized benefits to living here, so i'm going to make a list of pros and cons and hope you can help fill out either category, because i feel like i'm going in a bit blind.

pros:

• it'll be a studio, having my own place i'm getting a studio anyway, be it here or there.
• the person i'd be renting from has been a family friend for over a decade. she's incredibly nice, extremely hardworking, and wont try to cheat anyone. she's in need of tenants who are reliable tho, as she's sick of evicting people. naturally i'd shoot to the top of the list for the prime spaces.
• despite it being sacramento, it's pretty social out there and easy to get into.
• incredibly close to work, shaving off at least three hours i spend every day commuting (now granted, i like the bus, it lets me keep up on music or have a good think about whatever i need to. it's good observation, and a great buffer zone between home and work... but if i'm awake for 16 hours a day, a quarter of it is spent on the bus.)
• different place, different habits.

cons:

• i really like my roommates, actually. am i just going to get lonely and regret ditching that on a fit of pique?
• either all of my friends are here, or all of my friends would come here if they came from out of town. the idea of living alone is fine, the idea of being alone seems... unnecessary. while still mostly true, i can think of three people i could hang out with on the regular if i wanted to, and 2 more that might be there too, so hmmm.
• i'm about to be bookended by 2 supermarkets, each only a ten minute walk. i move, and i'm probably gonna have to bus my groceries home from safeway.
• i will probably not have my own washer/dryer unit. i will probably have to go to that one where they have the sunday strip characters on the walls washing their clothes.
• beer shoppe. i'm sure if i look around i'll find a similar thing, but i like everything about the beer shoppe and would miss it.

help!

karl lagerfeld
bjork

I woke up the other day and felt like i didnt exist. Not in the boring no-selfesteem way, but in the way where you look at the ceiling, then out the window, and consider tendering your resignation from worldly participation, as that alone barely makes sense. should it be? what am i doing? this isnt depression, i must have dreamed something so thoroughly removed from reality or logic that coming back felt lacking. anyway, i also had the thought that while i may know my own life, i am effectively distancing myself from you all by believing that no one needs to hear about my doomed orbit.

so yeah, enough of that. i'm updating. and i'm starting it with a quote by jack london, because i echoed it in the sentence before:

I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.

what is happening? i wasnt sure at first, but after some thought i was sure that i wanted to be a giant, permanent planet. making the ambient ship noise from star trek. to burn bright and recklessly is to burn those around you, and to pad yourself with your own light so that their concerns dont touch you. it is condescending, it is self-preserving. it is the maddening narcissism of the artist that chooses to ignore a more difficult world when the hard work is to create that which incorporates it. you're an asshole and you made dumb, macho books, jack london. you mean about as much to me as elvis. i want to be a permanent planet because i want to be happy enough to simply see. i dont need to be here.

moving on.

Main purchases lately have been buying records! as i crane evermore severely into the navel of Music No One Will Listen To You About, much of it stops being released on formats like CD and ends up as a Vinyl/Digital release. no compilations, no collections, nothin. brilliant bits of music are left to float in the static of the internet. no package, no inscribed object, just a string of arbitrarily autodestructive code on a disk that holds everything else. i do not trust this digital format. i could back it up twice and still lose it without the catastrophe of a fire or an earthquake. since albums still find their way onto a hard plastic disk, i've mostly been buying the best EPs and Singles i've known of over the last seven years or so. there's a sizable backlog but i'm up to around 55 releases so far.

and moving further

it's been over a year since i forcibly removed myself from my parents house. when it was done i mentally prepared myself for the verbal fencing i previously held off on because i was in a dependent position. they were crazy and ugly to me, but facts were facts. now that i was out i could be brutal, cold, bitchy, and name the beasts by name. but they've they turn into completely different people. their attitudes towards me is that i am now The Good Son, and mom is embracing her age by being funny and eccentric and wearing velvet jackets and tea cozys. total granny apples character. what is this. where are my shouting matches? where are the logical cul-de-sacs i could ensnare them in and make them realize their tyrannical and degrading manner? are we getting along? i... i guess we are? have they designed it this way, the clever bastards? okay fine, I GUESS WE'RE OKAY.

...AAAND BRINGING IT HOME

this job is sort of killing my... i dunno, mental acuity? having a 9-5 sucks... or in this case 2-10. not in any practical sense, because job has benefits and $$$ and AT LEASTYOUHAVEAJOB IN THIS ECONOMY blah blah snerp blowitoutyrass. of course it's "a good thing". but truth: working everyday of the week means limited time to do all of the other things that need doing, so that the weekdays become ERRANDSshower?WORKthenBED. i'm looking forward to weekends like an office hag who cant imagine not drinking on friday night. not there yet, but feel as if i might be hurtling with excruciating speed towards it. it doesnt suck completely, but it is draining and i can't distract myself sufficiently from it before going back to it. am i mature yet? can i ask the universe that. universe dont care. forget it.

SLIGHT TANGENT

there's some dumb facebook graphic going around that has an Ann Landers quote. first off: can you believe that shit? ann landers was a major chokehold of old mores upon all upstanding and independent people. why her? it was some nonsense about what maturity means and i disagreed with every aspect of it. my position is to end all unnecessary suffering, that the best revenge is REVENGE, no 'duties' from outsiders are real, and that you should spend freely as long as you accept the consequences of it. fuckin... ann landers. jesus. i despair

WRAP IT UP

i'm growing a beard!

Xmas haul:

Turntable and record cleaning kit
both Andy Stott EPs
Headphones for outside
Earbuds for exercise
Complete Six Feet Under
Sons of Anarchy 2+3 (though i dont have season one, mom)
Gift certificates for BEER AND CHEESE
Movies: 12 angry men, blood simple, dragon tattoo movies
A Shirt
The Fountain Soundtrack

and 2 more things that have yet to come in the mail, one of those BETTER BE A CAR

now that it's all over, i  have to say how fun it is to pee on the holiday sentiment. xmas and thanksgiving especially. it's like church for catholics. you run around being a base meathead for most of the year and the last two months are when you put on your good person accessories. for a generous and decent person by default, there's no need to fill a vacuum with concentrated niceness at a specific time. the only difference is that there's gifts involved. giving and getting presents and eating awesome food is p much the only reason for the season, the rest is an off-key medley of sentiment and rationalization.

even then, people can't help themselves. if you're UPS or Best Buy, the holidays is when you will see the very worst in people, because you are a different class and can be shit on with no consequences.

so fuck the holidays and jesus and goodwill. i hope you had a good time and weren't awful to someone, because that's pretty much the only game worth playing.

what is up

i am drunk and not crazy but pretty disoriented about reality so i'll keep this short

i still have friends, life is okay, and i have a SHOP.

been talkin real long and promissory about having a place to sell these things i value and think are worth $$$. one of the few things i would not feel bad for charging people a certain amount for. and if i produced it all myself the costs would be far above what i consider affordable for my peers.

but now all that shit on supercollapse has a (potential) home on my SHOPPE, where you can get bigass prints for half of what i would charge if it were all on my own. so that rules, and you should by some if you like them, because oh lord is life gonna be a cheapskate to me until february the fuck am i whining for, look i think these are damn fine and would look damn fine in your particular abode. plus, this shit has, like, movement and meaning and speed and music attached to it. it's fucking great. point is, i'm proudamyself toacertainextent for making this, so help me align my self-esteem with my bank account if it pleases you.

thanks everyone. stuff in life that i have not been updating you on is ok, trust.

post-drunk edit:  i'm only embarrassed for 20% of this post, awesome! also i updated the shop and there's more in the laptop/iphone skin/covers department. they are the covers i am always disappointed in not finding when i look for them myself.